Being a Dorobo in China
by MimiMika
Summary: Living in almost modern day China, Bankotsu and Jakotsu make their living off stealing valuables and coins. When a rival thief appears trying to steal Bankotsu's pride and an ambassador arrives from Japan, he knows things are going to get VERY messy.
1. Chapter 1

~_**Stealing Fun**_~

_In the time of war, peace, and chaos mixed together, there are two boys living in China, scraping by with the thievery from food stalls. However, one day, a rival girl thief emerges from the shadows, naming herself "Princess Wits". Determined to stop her and gain back his position as the number one thief, he searches for her true name. But it is not long before the leader of the two is pulled back into the political and emotional conflicts burning within the capital of China and Japan._

_We shall begin this tale, where our two thieves committed their number eighty eighth crime. The item of theft—_

Steamed pork buns.

Yes, the thing Bankotsu loved most other than trying to sneak a peek at the beauties working behind the counters, he loved to eat steamed pork buns. In the successful society of China, their food was the best. Often he chuckled to himself, giving him all the credit for leaving his home country Japan, and sneaking to China on a trading boat.

Along with him was Jakotsu, who again was up to no good. That is, he was looking at men.

The next set of dialogue shall explain why and how that was bad.

"Who's the lucky guy?" he asked sarcastically. Jakotsu gave him a whoop of joy.

"That guy—he's so muscular!" A squeal that the braided boy could've sworn should've belonged to a girl came out of his mouth.

"Dude, please. I don't care if you're going to fight me for that girl in that restaurant but please, stop looking at guys!" He pulled Jakotsu's head toward him, his gaze intensifying. "Repeat. _I will stop being gay._"

Jakotsu slapped his cheeks and giggled like a child. "Ooh, that guy is even sexier!"

Bankotsu groaned and was about to fall off the roof they were sitting on.

Every morning, at the break of dawn, they would sit on the roof of the wealthiest landowner's house in town. It was an ideal spot to plan today's thieving items because the view on top of the roof was so wide, it was like having eagle eyes in their human sockets. Not that they actually _had_ eagle eyes.

After Jakotsu slid down the tiles of the house to proceed with the plan involving buns, Bankotsu pulled a stone out of his pocket. He tossed it in the air two times playfully before his eyes lay on the landowner's servant. With careful aim, he flung the stone at the laundry bucket that was filled with water. The servant immediately spun around in his direction, but he had already jumped without a sound to the other roof. Suspicious, she paced over to the roof he had been at before, staring at the water pipes. Behind her, Bankotsu slid one finger in the pocket of her coat and fished out a string of coins. As she retreated back to the laundry, her hand feeling the empty pocket, Bankotsu had taken off.

Jakotsu was standing in line, which consisted of hungry servants waiting patiently to buy their breakfast. He was the next one in line, nervous because Bankotsu had not come with the money yet. But he didn't have to wait any longer, because Bankotsu had slipped in next to him, the coins on his hand jingling.

"How much you got," he asked, bouncing up and down on his heels.

The braided boy gave him a smug look and opened up his hand. Instead of coins, there were two silver nuggets and three gold nuggets. "I nabbed only the good stuff. I mean, we need her to live to give us the cash, right?"

When it was their turn to receive their buns, Bankotsu winked at the girl who was packing the buns into a brown paper bag. She instantly blushed and stuck an extra one in the bag secretively when the chef wasn't looking. As she handed it to him, she put a finger to her lips.

"Thanks," he said, winking again. The girl screamed and fainted. Bankotsu scratched his head and pulled Jakotsu out of there before people started gathering and wondering what happened to the girl.

Walking slowly down the streets so that they didn't look out of ordinary, Bankotsu handed Jakotsu a piping hot bun. They chewed with relish as Jakotsu asked him a question.

"Hey Aniki," he addressed him, the _Aniki_ meaning "older brother" in Japanese even though Jakotsu was older, "do you think if I do that eye thing with guys, that guy will notice me?"

Bankotsu sighed. "No Jakotsu. You'll scare them away. Winking only works on girls."

But when the bag of steamed buns was stolen from a shadowed figure with long flowing black hair, Bankotsu knew that winking wasn't going to get back his pride without a fight.

The girl landed on a roof, turning around with a smirk on her face that made everyone turn. Her golden eyes were the bright hue of an emperor's silk robe. She wore a stunning American turquoise skirt and a white dress shirt with a similar flashing red jacket. On her head, she wore a black paperboy hat.

Her girlish laugh echoed within Bankotsu's mind in the days to come.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Princess of Wits~**_

_No one had ever dared steal the Great Thieves of China's food, especially when guns have been developed and swords no longer useful. And yet, this girl wearing imported American goods, has just stolen their food. In response to their shock, she gives them an enormous guffaw that would keep replaying after that day..._

Which was probably why this new female thief even bothered opening her mouth, to make sure her annoying voice was rerun in Bankotsu and Jakotsu's minds forever until they kneeled before her. Holding her stomach with her red sleeved arms, she laughed and laughed, until the citizens below looked up at the girl on the roof.

"Oh heck no," Bankotsu mumbled. He walked up to the building, knocked over an old lady's cat, almost broke some flower pots, and made his way up next to her. He seized her collar, halting her laugh, and gave her the evil eyes.

The girl continued to laugh, though it was now reduced to a giggle. She turned her head away, her shoulders shaking from amusement. Bankotsu on the other hand, attempted to retrieve his steamed buns, which the girl held on tighter than he had expected. She was holding it so tight; it was a mystery of how the sweat didn't soak the bag.

Then, the girl said, "Don't bother. My Daddy said I always had a firm grip on EVERYTHING." She winked at him and shoved him away. "Especially guys. They forgive you if you hug 'em or something. You'll forgive me. I just know it. Now good-bye," she said, leaping off the roof.

Bankotsu tore at his hairs in frustration. He tried to follow the girl by jumping exactly where she had jumped, but by the time his feet touched the floor, the girl was gone around the corner. Jakotsu hurried to his side, huffing and puffing. He was still holding his half-eaten steamed bun.

"Hey, dude, don't worry," Jakotsu said. He pulled out another bag and smiled. The steamed buns were all in there. "It was burning against my chest though."

Bankotsu smirked. "I knew I could count on you, buddy. But how did you fool her?"

"The steamed bun bags always come with two. One on the outside and the one inside is thinner. And you know the papers under the buns? I was into collecting them. Today I just decided to get rid of them so I used the first bag as a trash container. The thinner bag, I kept to myself."

The braided boy snatched another steamed bun from Jakotsu's grip. "Give me that," he said playfully. _I can't wait till that girl comes back and finds Jakotsu outsmarted her. Ha,_ he thought, smiling with satisfaction.

~O~O~O~O~O~

Once upon a time, the Emperor of China met the ambassador of Japan. However, this ambassador was a youkai. Frightened, the Emperor sought to all extents to avoid meeting this youkai, but in the end, it turned out that the youkai was not the type to eat humans. It seemed that youkai in Japan were somewhat different from the ones in China. After a while of time together, the Emperor became good friends with the ambassador.

As the royal lineage went from generation to generation, this ambassador would always visit when the new Emperor reached the year 10. He never aged, the few individuals that got to see him would say. These people, including the Emperors, described this friendly youkai as handsome, tall, and stronger than five mountains combined.

This year, there was not a single son to become the Emperor of China. Instead of a man, it was a woman. The preceding Emperor had borne only daughter. Eventually, she became the Empress of China and her name was "Yun Yue Gong" or "round-moon", meaning "full moon". The Japanese nation called her "Izayoi".

One day, the ambassador flew down on a white cloud, expecting a young man, but instead was greeted by servants instead. They spoke with him politely, explaining that their Excellency did not wish to see him. Of course, the ambassador was shaken. He thought of this action quite rude and walked right through the blockage of servants. They let him pass reluctantly, for fear that amidst his anger, he would kill them.

The ambassador made his way across the hall, through several doors, making turns this way and that way. He was utterly lost, but then he thought to use his nose. Why had that not come to him earlier? Ah, all was well. He took a deep whiff and smelled the perfume of a youthful woman. This scent was of expensive perfume, only to be bought by noble woman. Immediately, he began to think of possibilities. Was the Emperor a woman?

Hurriedly, he rushed back where he was started from and slowly paced through the same hall way, only making different turns according to the source of the scent. Soon, he was before a pair of gates. He pushed against them, and walked into a spacious room.

The floor was decorated with a straw mat. Windows were close by golden curtains, while tables without any silverware were set up on each side, fifteen tables. He looked directly in front of him and saw a long canopy hiding the thrones. With a firm expression, he ran up to the canopy and brushed aside the gossamer fabric.

Sitting there, plucking a guzheng, which was a zither, a type of harp that was horizontal instead of vertical, was a woman. She was very attractive, with a thin nose, small pink lips, and lustrous black hair that lay across all over the floor. Her bangs were parted in the center of her forehead, while some longer bangs that curled to touch her cheeks. Her eyes, which were of a beautiful and innocent brown, had light purple eye shadow that continued to draw out her beauty.

Needless to say, the ambassador of Japan had never seen such a woman before. Standing there in surprise, he watched as the beautiful woman glanced up at him. She frowned slightly.

"Is there something I may help you with, ambassador? I remember ordering my subjects to specifically not allow you in my throne room," she said. The ambassador shook his head and knelt, holding his hand over his chin. Was he blushing? Was he, the great _Inu no Taishou_ blushing? _Almighty lord, I've fallen for her,_ he thought.

"Ahem," she said. She waved her fingers at him but they were caught by his.

"MARRY ME!"

The Empress opened her mouth for a "ah". "Excuse me?" she cried, jumping up from her seat and backing up against the wall. The Inu no Taishou only moved toward her, his eyes bursting with renewed knowledge of women.

"My lovely bird; angel of the flowers, please accept my proposal. I, Inu no Taishou—"

"SECURITY!" she yelled, stroking her fingers as if there were snot on them. Instantly, the soldiers of the residence dragged the ambassador away. But he still persisted, calling out the Empress's name as he left the door.

"I'LL BE BACK, LOVELY IZAYOI! BY THE END OF THE WEEK, YOU SHALL BE MINE!"

The Empress rubbed her forehead. "Yes, yes, go ahead and cheat on your wife."

The ambassador stopped speaking as he remembered his wife. "Ah, yes, about that—"

"Hurry up and take him away," Izayoi said. Nodding, the soldiers shut the door behind them.

~O~O~O~O~O~

Papers. That was it. The only things inside the bag were papers. As her stomach grumbled, the female thief ripped up the bag and bit the insides of her lips. "…I… HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN OUTWITTED?"

A little girl wearing identical clothing and had short bob-cut black hair jumped beside her. "That's because _Ga-Jie _is too dumb! But I still love you." She hugged her.

The female thief stuffed the papers into her mouth, chewing ferociously. "My charms… will not be ignored! I'll get _them_, if that's the last thing I'll do!"

Behind her, a few women materialized. All of them were wearing noble clothes, of silks and fabric that cost your life to buy. They were all decorated according to times' fashions with the best colors and pictures. They all were pretty and very beautiful. Enough to snag a man's attention by glancing at them.

"You better, _Mika_. Or we'll disown you."

The thief stood up stroking her hair. She turned around, letting in her sisters take a good study of her. Her golden eyes were aimed at each of them. "Of course. The "Princess of Wits" will charm that thief. And when he's mine…"

All the sisters, including the tiny one, laughed at the same time. Aiming their looks at the horizon, they leaped off the roof and disappeared into the night.

Somewhere in the city, Bankotsu got a feeling that he would be seeing the thief pretty soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**~Fake Perfume~**

_Mornings are things that people are supposed to look forward to. Usually, Bankotsu and Jakotsu are one of these few people. However, after a horrifying nightmare, Bankotsu can barely open an eye to the warm sunlight without shrieking. Will his shame ever cease? Or will it increase? Ooh, it rhymes._

He was running in the dream. Really fast. In the dream, he was clutching a steamed bun in his hand, super tight. He was sweating bullets, his long braid whipping in the wind, while people chased after him, calling him "thief". He was also sad, very sad, because for the first time in his life, he had been caught stealing!

What a shame! How could he ever look at Jakotsu proudly again? How could he brag to the girls as he walked by that he escaped with a few coins or two? _I should hide in shame forever,_ he thought. _Mama, Papa, forgive me. I have failed you!_

Then, as he crossed the sunlit streets, a chicken flew right into his face, feathers and all.

Feathers and all… DID YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY?

Bankotsu woke up. The taste of feathers and chicken flesh was still existent in his mouth. Moaning, he sat up and glanced at the broken mirror in the center of their room.

Or, rooftop, at least. The boys, Bankotsu and Jakotsu had no home. They lived in an abandoned building, about two miles away from civilization. It was a collapsed building, full of termites and rats that gnawed gleefully on the rotting wood. But hidden in this dirty place was a home they created together.

As much as Jakotsu would've liked, Bankotsu and Jakotsu slept in separate rooms. In Bankotsu's room, he had a large mirror shard that was crammed in the center between two great chests full of clothes they had robbed many days ago. Not only did those boxes contain clothes, it also had wigs, make-up, shoes, books about accents, blueprints, and papers that all aided in their thievery activity.

That was all they had. Next door, Jakotsu's room contained about the same things. As for their beds, it was a colt with one of their softest jackets as a pillow and a long coat as a blanket. You can now very well deduce that they were very poor, despite their thievery successes. Part of why they didn't attempt to get better housings was because it would be suspicious.

And Bankotsu had enough brains to figure that out, even though his brain wasn't very big.

In any case, Bankotsu got up from his bed and stared at the mirror. He examined his reflection, noting differences between his childhood and now. He always did this in the morning, just because he was that kind of a person. It was also so that he could see what disguises suited him best. After all, doctors were supposed to be tall. The taller you were, the wiser you were supposed to be. Bankotsu wasn't that tall. So, he left the doctor act to Jakotsu all the time. He was always the injured patient or the innocent brother. He just… looked like that.

But today, as he looked at the mirror, he couldn't put his thievery mind to work. He kept thinking about that girl, how she mocked his ways. It made all their accomplishments _stupid_. And Bankotsu was a teenage boy who did NOT like having people name what they did STUPID.

"Thievery is an art," he said to himself, using the same gruff voice his father used to talk to him with. His expression softened. He hadn't seen his father ever since he was six. He always assumed he was dead, because when your dad doesn't come back after going to a store, he's dead. Or that's what his mom told him.

Just then, Jakotsu strolled in. "Yo, Aniki! Looking handsome today as well, eh?"

Bankotsu shot him an intense glare. "Don't you start now."

His companion shook his hands in denial. "I was joking! Even though Aniki is handsome and all, I would never make a move on you!"

"Good, because if I wanted someone to make a move on me, I rather it be a girl."

"Like me?"

The two spun around. No one was there. Was there a ghost? Bankotsu started edging toward one of the boxes, wondering where he had put his lucky charm.

"No, I'm right here!"

The voice was feminine for sure. It sounded familiar. Jakotsu peeked at Bankotsu's colt and shrugged his shoulders when Bankotsu gestured "is she there".

"No you morons, I'm UP HERE!"

The two shot their glances upward. Sitting on the roof beams was the very same girl that had stolen their steamed buns and put Bankotsu to shame. Today, she had wrapped her hair up into buns on both sides of her head. She wore a plain white dress shirt today, along with a dark green skirt that was held up with hanging brown ropes that dangled on the sides of her thighs. She wore long leather boots that went all the way up to her knees.

She jumped down, bringing a bunch of rocks down with her. As she brushed the soot off her clothes, Bankotsu cracked his knuckles and started thinking of the most efficient way to beat this girl to a pulp.

But before he could do anything, she latched herself onto Bankotsu, staring at him with her awkwardly golden eyes. She started to breathe slower, making sure her apple scented mouth was just an inch from his.

"Uh… what are you doing?" Bankotsu eyed Jakotsu, winking twice, which meant "HELP ME".

Jakotsu nodded quickly and started digging through the boxes for _something._

"Why, I'm making a move on you." She giggled and turned her head away for a moment.

"Please, don't. I have a date with the girl behind counter #2 today."

The girl tightened her hold around his neck. She laid her head against his shoulder. "It's okay, I canceled it for you."

"No, really, she has a huge crush on me and is sort of a beast if you reject her—"

"I FOUND IT!" Jakotsu cried. He leaped up and flashed a thing in the air. It looked white and rubbery, as if it were a c—

Bankotsu's face turned red as a tomato as he fell against the wall, weak and helpless because his friend was a dimwit. Then, when he realized the girl was about to kiss him (or do something), he punched her in the gut and ran out the door like a girl screaming "mommy".

Jakotsu stood there motionless, watching the girl hop on one foot while yelling out gibberish. Then, he glanced at the thing he had in his hand and shrugged.

"I was planning to save this for myself anyway."

~O~O~O~O~O~

Izayoi scowled as the third comb got tangled up in her web-like hair. With an impatient snap of her fingers, her servants immediately saw that the comb was pulled out and that a new one was given to her. As she tried to redo the side that had been tangled, the doors opened without warning, forcing the comb she had in her hand to break in half.

The already agitated empress leapt to her feet and seized a spear from a nearby suit of armor. She lashed it dangerously at the entrance. But the gossamer canopy that hid her from view was hiding the person that opened the door.

It was the voice that gave away the identity.

"Izayoi, my love. I have already made arrangements to marry you. As for my wife, I had her sign the divorce papers. Now—"

"INU NO TAISHOU!" she shrieked. "I KNEW YOU'D COME BACK!"

The Japanese ambassador gasped. "Were you expecting me?" He wiped away a fake teardrop from an eye. "So you embraced the true emotion in your heart. IZAYOI, I LOVE—"

"HIYA," she cried, thrusting the spear into his ribs.

The Inu no Taishou let his mouth hang. Then, with a flourish gesture, he snapped the spear in half and wrapped his arms around Izayoi. The poor empress screamed, barked, whined, bawled, squealed, and flinched when she felt his strong arms around her back.

"SECURITY! SECURITY! WHERE'S MY DARNED SECURITY?" she screeched, slapping Inu no Taishou's strong chest.

"Izayoi… I had always dreamed of the day I could feel your silken hair." He caressed her arms. "Ah, your arms are as soft as eggs… What shall we name our child?"

By now, Izayoi's face had turned red from yelling so long. Security had already come, but they were so frightened at the sight of the youkai, they were inching along the corners, shouting silent threats that the two could not hear. Then, when hope was all lost, the doors were once more thrust open.

A young priestess, the age of seventeen but already blossoming into a beautiful woman, stood before them. She was stringing an arrow to her bow, aiming it at the dog demon. Wrapped around the arrow were black beads glistening with holy powder—deadly even for the strongest youkai alive.

The arrow was let loose, free to hit the bottom of Inu no Taishou. With a yelp, his arms left Izayoi's back, his legs moving backwards as he made a back flip in agony. Then, his eyes widened.

His eyes were focused on the priestess. Her long hair was just as wonderful as Izayoi's, cut straight across her forehead and tied in a loose ponytail. Her Buddhist nun clothes were not tightly fit, but he could tell that she had a "very nice body" as he was putting it in his head. A sweat drop rolled down his cheek.

Then:

"You, there." His voice was calm, unlike someone who had been struck in the butt with a holy arrow.

"What's the matter?" Her voice was strangely angelic. Izayoi, who was transfixed to her spot watched with interest.

"I'd like you to be my second wife. Would you mind?"

The priestess shoved the end of the bow into his mouth and glared at him intensely. "Sure, _over my dead body._"

All of a sudden, a man wearing blue robes, stalked into the room. He was holding fudas tightly in his hand, ready to kick some demon butt until he heard the priestess's sentence. He drooled. "And what a nice body I'm sure it is," he added.

The priestess spun around, her hawk-like glance burning through the soul of the monk. "_Sum Lum, _stop fooling around and help me!"

The Japanese ambassador sat up and pulled the arrows out of his butt. He also pulled out a thick journal, full of incomprehensible scribbles and diagrams. Stabbing a finger at the dusty tome, he searched for the translation of that name the priestess had scolded. The only thing he could find was "Miroku".

"Ho, so that's what it means? Summer Lummer sounds so totally different than "Miroku", eh?"

Miroku, or as his Japanese name was, nodded saintly. "My parents always thought that I was as handsome as a forest. That has been true, because I have so many beautiful ladies around me."

A girl, younger than the priestess with the bow stepped out of the door Miroku had been standing in. She had a face so similar to the priestess's; it was hard to tell the difference. "Miroku, hurry up and set the barrier!" She scratched her head and also pulled out a translation book too. All the while, the priestess and Izayoi stared ponderingly at the translation books everyone was pulling out. "Uh, her name was "Sango-chan", was it? Japanese names are always hard…"

At the name "Sango", Inu no Taishou straightened. Sango was the name of the most fearsome youkai hunter in both China and Japan. If this trio of priestesses and the priest was in cahoots, it might be a bad idea to be even standing there. As he pondered his options, the door opened again.

The first thing everyone noticed was the massive, intimidating boomerang made out of sturdy youkai bones leaning against the arm that belonged to this very Sango Inu no Taishou was fearing. The nineteen-year-old was very frightening herself. Her beautiful dramatic eyes were all that you could see, for her face was covered by a mask. Her hair was tied up in a high ponytail so that it would not get in the way.

Then she took a sudden step forward and threw the boomerang at the inu daiyoukai, without more than a breath. Eyes widening to the size of the tiny dim sum plates the Chinese served, (which are small, but pretty big if you think about how even smaller human and humanoid eyes are) Inu no Taishou ducked and pushed Izayoi aside as he leaped into the air.

He punched at the roof when he was about to hit it, only to have it go right through. But that was okay, because even great, daiyoukai like Inu no Taishou sometimes needed to go to extremes to escape. He clambered up and out of the hole, then poked his head through the hole to exclaim his final words. They were:

"JUST WATCH, SANGO! I'LL GET YOU! ONE DAY!" He paused and studied the unmoving figure as the boomerang flew back to Sango. "AS MY FOURTH WIFE!"

Sango arched her eyebrows deeply as she heard his last words. In annoyance, she said "Hiraikotsu" and tossed her weapon at Inu no Taishou. But he had left already, in fear of the youkai taijiya.

The boomerang only succeeded in wrecking the roof even more. Soon, the roof was creaking and shaking. The trio, now including Sango, hurried Izayoi and the soldiers that were standing by the door out of the room as the palace began to fall apart.

They were breathless as they stood outside, wiping their foreheads and panting. Except Sango, who was now in the process of removing her mask. When she pulled the metal thing away from her face, she turned to Izayoi and smiled. She looked so gentle now.

"Are you all right, Your Majesty? Forgive me for not coming sooner. I was preoccupied with some other business..." She pulled away the ribbon holding her hair and started to fix her ponytail. The way her voice faded meant that she was open on this topic.

Izayoi held her head high, trying to regain authority and to create a sense of composure. However, in reality, she was ready to fidget and start bawling like a baby. But she couldn't. She was not allowed. She was, after all, the empress of the great country China. She had to stand strong.

So she asked Sango, like any polite escapee from a dangerous youkai might have, "What kind of to other business?"

Instantly, Sango's hair was tied and her smile was upon her face once more. "Well, for example," she began, pointing to the western part of China. "Far, far, to the north lie the lands of Europe. I was fighting the Kraken and the Dragon before I received a distress call from China."

Izayoi raised a quizzical eyebrow when Sango mentioned the "Kraken" and the "Dragon". She tried to pronounce these strange, English words. "Ka… ken? Kaken? What's a Kaken?"

"It's a type of monster that likes to sleep in the waters. It's a gigantic squid, about this size." Sango gestured to the palace and then to the farthest house they could see. "Very hard to beat. But once you know its weakness, it's easy."

"Oh… I see…"

"Oh, but that's not all. While I was coming to your rescue, I encountered the werewolf, the Jiang Shi…"


End file.
